Thursday, 14 February 2013

Project Stop Eating Cakes Starts Now!

It is no secret I despise my figure. I have yoyo-ed in weight the past few years, I am at my heaviest right now though and I cannot stand the sight of my hideously overweight body any more. It is not so much my weight or body shape, I just don't feel happy or like I fit in my skin? If that makes any sense. I am fed up of skipping meals in hope to lose a few pounds, yet have a midnight feast every night because my body feels so starved from not eating much all day.      

I am not new to all of these diet plans and exercize classes. At 15, I was a healthy size 10 but hated my 'pot belly' so started going to fitness classes at my local gym twice a week, not only for the exercise but for something to do! I enjoyed the classes and continued to attend for about a year and a half, then quit after Christmas because I got a bit bored of the same routine. The following months saw me eating really unhealthily and doing very little - next to none - exercise - at all.
About a year later,  I gained a few stone and for the first time wearing a size 16, I joined Weight Watchers in hope I could control my boredom and comfort eating. I joined a line dancing class twice a week, which I absolutely loved! It is tricky at first but once I got into it, I was addicted. I lost weight through eating 4 meals a day and eating a lot of fruit and weight watcher snacks, enjoyed walking places and keeping myself busy. When I think back to this time, I was probably my most content with myself then. I was constantly busy and on the go so I never had time to be lazing around, my skin dramatically improved from ditching the chocolate and junk food and eating more salad and fruit, and the condition of my hair and nails were much better too. I lost almost two and a half stone in a year and I was really content with my body shape and self image. I was not my 'recommended weight' for neither my age or height; but I remember how happy I was fitting back into a size 12, and that is the feeling I am longing to get back.
Right now, if I look at these fancy statistical graphs and diagrams, I am far from the weight I need to be for my BMI. I am classed as obese. It makes me weep just typing the word. Obese. Why must they use such a negative word on these charts? It does not give me any confidence in changing my weight. 
Don't get me wrong, I am aware I am well - over -weight, I know I am not healthy, but my dress size isn't my issue AT ALL. It is the feelings I have towards myself that need changing. The only way I feel for myself to do this is to live a more healthier lifestyle as I did before, as I have never felt so positive and happy with myself than I did back then. 

I have decided to track my healthy lifestyle progress here on my blog. More for myself really, but if you enjoy these types of posts or have any advice that would be great, too. I want to be able to look back and think, 'yeah, I changed my lifestyle a little, mad different choices, I feel a lot healthier having done that.'. 

Here are the most recent pictures of me showing my weight. I know these photos aren't really showing me all that much but I dont tend to have photos with my fat thighs haha but I will try and take and upload a full length photo (warts and all - I feel sorry for you!) soon.

Have any of you felt non-content and unhappy with the way you look before?
How have you dealt with it, and how did the changes you made affect how you felt about yourself?


  1. Sorry, but you do not 'show your weight'.

    I was a size 16 at age 16 and unhappy with my dress size..because no one else i knew was that size. I realise it's was purely because i felt the odd one out. Near 20 years on and i'm much bigger, but feel comfortable with how i am. I faced the fact that i'm loved and i'm not the odd one out. Many people are my size, smaller and bigger. I'm only unhappy with being unhealthy.
    If you feel unhealthy i understand your perspective. To think you look bad in anyway, you shouldn't because you don't.

    Jules x

    1. Hi Jules, thanks for your comment.
      I am unhappy in myself, and I don't like the unhealthy lifestyle I lead, it makes me feel unhappy and hopefully if I get into a more healthier routine this will make positive changes. I hope what I meant came across in my post, I am a little scatty and useless with writing so if it didn't come across that way I'm sorry.
      My pictures don't really show my weight, I have no recent pictures of me full length because I am not too confident but I will put one up soon.
      I think it is all about how you feel within yourself, I don't mind what clothes size I wear really or what other people think, I just don't feel happy living the unhealthy lifestyle I lead, I hope that comes across in my post :)
      Hope you are well hun and thanks for commenting :) xx

  2. You in no way look your weight. You look gorgeous.
    But we all need to be happy and confident in our own skin to be able to live. Making the decision to do something though is very admirable.
    Looking forward to going on this journey with you!

    Love, Elizabeth

    1. Aw thank you Elizabeth thats really lovely for you to say :)
      thank you - i just need to get motivated and sort of 'set it in stone' instead of putting it off and change my unhealthy lifestyle :)
      thanks for the support hun hope you are ok :) xx

  3. Hi there! I like your blog very much. I'd like to invite you to my blog connected with fight against eating disorders, cause i think we shouldn't be silent about that. Of course you can find here also mode, make-up, opinions, advices, photos, daily stories, healthy recipes etc. You can trust me you will find something you will like.If you'll like it really much, you can become my new follower. Hope to visit me soon. Have a very nice time. xoxxx Andie

  4. Personally i think your beautiful ..... so you shouldn't be worrying about that ... but i do also know how it feels first hand to feel un comfortable iam a ''larger lady '' weird saying hahah and i contiguously battled with my weight like you my leaving school ball (i was 15) was a size 10 ..... the thing that made me decide to be happy was mother ... my mother is what i can slim 12/14 and throughout her life has battled with her weight eating horrendous things and doing horrendous things in order to try and fight the flab ... one morning before bootcamp she asked me to take a before picture of her , wheni showed her she said '' omg im not actually that fat am i '' it was like hooray 23 years later ... the way i see it is bigger people want to be skinny and then the skinnier people still try and lose weight ... so basically were never happy , so i just try and be happy with my life if i ever feel un happy its normally because im not exercising to getting out enough i dont eat piles of junk i love me for being me ...good luck :)

    1. thanking you very much hun for such a lovely lovely comment!

      you are very very wise in words... just hard to find a balance isn't it!
      hope you are well hunni xxx

  5. great post....I am on the exact same mission. you ARE beautiful but I understand your post. loving your blog.........maybe you could pop along to my blog have a little look.


    1. aww you are lovely thanking you very much :) its great to know others relate , hope you are doing well my love xx